Hockey, Humor, and The Holy Grail

To say I’m overwhelmed with the love, support, and incredible vibes since my first post on 3/23 would be a monumental understatement. My most sincere thanks to you all. My mindset is strong, and TODAY is a big day. Not waiting for April 1st, ‘cause I’m not fooling around!

More on that later.

As with my first post, my mission is creative storytelling and laughter. So, to fill in a few blanks for you, here’s The Good, The Bad, and The Funny!

The TLDR is things got real… I give you: “Hockey, Humor and the Holy Grail”.

WARNING #HockeyAnalogiesAhead.

Big picture: This is not the pre-season, this is not early in the regular season, and it's not anywhere near the finals... It's a late-season battle between two solidly matched opponents fighting for every point. Looking to earn home ice on the push to the Cup. And to be clear I WANT THE CUP!

Plot Point: When the puck dropped 3 weeks ago with the diagnosis, I got to work on my game plan, and as swift and thorough as I thought it was, turns out I gave this adversary an early edge and got caught skating out of my zone with my head down. #PickYourHeadUpKid!

Turnover at the blue line, a shot from the point rings off the post, and the pricks scored on the bounce. So, I'm down a goal. Which, long-term, means less than if it were May or June or July, and I still hadn't done anything. Lots of time left in this game, this season, and yeah, my career!

So, what happened? What we thought might have been part of a rather common set of side effects of the pain medication was… something else. There are 3 lesions at the base of the skull, and they are now encroaching on key nerves that affect the tongue and speech. It’s not a stroke, just cancer letting me know it’s not fucking around, and taking some important oral function away.

Thanks for the back story, Mike, where’s the funny? OK, Buckle In!

Our Hero Pivots: In addition to the 3 lesions preferring, I have no voice and/or sound like a hammered frat boy slurring his way through a pub crawl. They were not satisfied, oh no! They also felt using two arms was a lot to ask for. So, it’s cutting off the use of my left rotator cuff. Yes, literally dead left arm. No biggie I still got my right, I got this!

Jump Cut: Tuesday the 28th. We’re headed home to RDU. After a 2-hour mechanical delay which was fine (better than crashing (AmIRIght?), I listened to a podcast, got some email done, stayed productive and we got home safe and sound.

Picture Mike the cliche sports-loving-thespian, with no voice, limited ability to enunciate (as he had been trained), now fumfering around with a dead arm.

Net net, he's 0n the short-term IR with an “upper-body injury”. It’s cool though, I’m just doing character research for the musical drama (Death of a Myeloma) while I wait for my checked bag.

The carousel alarm sounds and checked Bags are rolling off the belt, and lo and behold, mine is the first one off, surely a sign of wonderful things to come… ish.

See bag, grip bag, lift bag, place bag, and push bag to the escalator. As effortlessly as it’s been for more than 3 Million Miles of lifetime air travel. We’re off to the parking garage…. head held high, ready for what is to come … or so I thought.

The Swerve: Watch as this proud stubborn idiot triumphantly ascending the escalator from baggage claim, makes the rookie of rookie roller board mistakes. Yes, see him as he stands next to (but not holding) the roller board, as it snags on the stair guard rail, and watch as the bag tips and falls.

Instinct kicks in, and I grab the case with my “good” right hand. Bag secure in my grip, I lift … and hear and feel loud pop. My right arm goes dead, and now, I am the Black Knight in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”. No joke… both arms are as useful as udders on a bull.

Once they are in position thanks to a great ergo sit/stand desk, I can type and I’m fine but both rotator cuffs are shot at the moment… it’s so pathetically hilarious... and I laugh… what else can I do right?

Mike Tyson famously said, "everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face".... Yep, I got punched in the face... but we all get punched… What matters is the response! It’s galvanized me, and I’m focused. No neutral zone trap shit! We’ve unlocked a suffocating forecheck, smothering myeloma with a “You won’t be able to breathe with the puck” press!

The “old plan” called for some targeted radiation on the large tumor, then moving on to chemo. Fuck That. New plan... I'm going full Bazooka Scarface "say hello to my little friends” Intensive Induction treatment.

This approach uses a multi-drug cocktail on 21-day cycles (several of them – likely 5-6 at least) with labs/checks/tests after each round).

Shawn Thornton of the 2011 Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins, (a glue guy with grit, passion, and a chirping skill set bested only by the great Brad Marchand), was caught once on the mic in a verbal joust with Montreal Canadian Dale Weise. Where he generously offers him the choice of which hand, he would beat the fuck out of him with. check it out here. https://youtu.be/cSXilYrCFN4?t=16

Multiple Myeloma made its choice. So, I’m leading with my right!

#ChemoStartsToday!